I had a professor in seminary, an old guy who actually knew Albert Einstein (no, really), who used to always say, "I love my wife, but. . . " The 'but' was normally followed by something like, ". . . boy, sometimes she drives me crazy." He always said it with a big smile on his face and we, his students, knew that he adored the woman more than he could express.

In this psychotherapeutically driven culture we live in we are told we should not use 'but' because it just cancels out what precedes the 'but' and what's left is how you really feel. We should use 'and' instead. "I love my kids and they drive me crazy sometimes!"

I get it. I really do. BUT sometimes you just gotta use the 'but.' And it's my blog so I can use 'but' if I want to, 'but' if I want to. . .

My life right now is pretty centered around the troublesome trio. It's how I want it. It's how James and I want it. Me home with them, rather than working, while they are young. But, man, it's draining. Really draining. Each of them in different ways suck the life right out of me. That's what happens when an extreme introvert is called to parent extroverts - two of which are off the charts!

I love my time home with the boys, but as of late I am craving something more. I also am happy with the choices and sacrifices we have made for me to be able to stay home, but my creative juices feel a bit stifled as a result. And by 'creative' I do not mean 'crafty.' Nope, I am not crafty. Not even a little bit. But I do like to play around with my home decor. That's where any creativity I have comes out. However, when on a tight budget it's harder to hit the antique stores the way I would like. And while I know it would be super fun to go antiquing with three small boys I just don't have it in me.

Maybe it's the dog days of summer that has me feeling like I need to add something to the mix. Or maybe it's turning 40. Turning 40 with small children.

So, I have been looking for ways to spice things up a bit without killing our budget or taking me away from home too often. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the Director of Daybreak Crisis Pregnancy Center. They are looking for volunteers to spend time with their clients. Women, often very young women, who are pregnant and scared and looking for some hope. I am excited about giving some of my time to a cause that is important to me. And I am super excited about tapping into the thinking part of my brain. Woohoo! And James is happy to work his schedule out so that I can do this. He thinks he can get some work done at home while I am out. I will just let him go on thinking that, he'll find out the truth soon enough.

As far as the other stuff. Filling my need to change, update, mix-up my home decor. . . I am finding some outlets for that, too. Paint! I'm pretty much going to paint anything I can get my hands on. And nobody's gonna stop me. Pics to come soon.

and this

and this

and as much of this

as possible!

MOM. . . MOM. . . MOM.

As I rouse from sleep to the sound of my name being called in a LOUD whisper I glance at the clock to find that it is 1:47. AM!!

Me: What is it Spinner?

Spinner: Um, mom? I was just thinking. . . and thought you should know. . .

Me: Yes, Spinner. What's going on?

Spinner: Well, I was just thinking that we don't have any REAL breakfast food for the morning. And I just thought you should know.

Me: I'm sorry. What?

Spinner: We are out of my favorite cereal. We don't have any more bagels. There are no more Eggo's and no more pop tarts.

Me: Is this a joke?

Spinner: No, mom. What am I going to eat in the morning?

Me: Nothing if you don't go back to bed right now.

Spinner: Mooooom?!

Me: Spinner. Go to bed, I will find something for you to eat in the morning.

Spinner: Okaaay.

For the record. He had toast and fruit. Poor deprived child.



While hanging out one afternoon Spinner asked what sorts of things made me cry.

Me: Well, I cry when something makes me sad.

Spinner: Like when I disobey? That makes you sad?

Me: No, not really like that. Do you remember when Lil passed away? That made me sad.

Spinner: Oh, yeah, that was sad. What else?

Me: Sometimes when I am scared. Like when Wil had his heart surgery.

Spinner: What else?

Me: Ummm. Sometimes when I am happy or proud I cry.

Spinner: Happy tears. Like when?

Me: Like the last day of school when we came to your classroom and Mrs. Mattox showed us the video from your school year. I got a little teary thinking about how much you had grown during the year. How much you had learned in Kindergarten.

Spinner: I cried a little that day, too.

Me: Oh yeah? Why did you cry?

Spinner: I cried because I was so so happy that I was done with Kindergarten and was being TRANSFORMED into a first grader! Thinking about that really made me cry a little.

Removing one's clothing at every opportunity is number 8 on the "How to know if your toddler is part Redneck" quiz.

Tank got extra points for that one.

Check.

From Dr. Betz, the specialist from Shriners in PA that has consulted on Wil's "instability:"

Got all the films.

Looks perfect.

NO instability at all!

Will try to call later.

If you have followed along with us in this year long uncertainty (this time last year they were ready to fuse his spine) then you know how amazing it is to hear this! We are overjoyed!!

Tank is empathizing with my desire for a little more estrogen around here and trying to find ways to meet that need in my life.

And I am doing a lot of this. . .

because Tank thinks it is hiLARious to lock all the interior doors, over and over and over again. It never gets old for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How is your summer starting out?

Lot's of reasons I have neglected Blog lately. Here is a brief update from our brood.

1. School is out. Spinner is looking toward first grade with the same enthusiasm he had for kindergarten. Only this time he is certain he will be spending a lot of time in the principles office because, "in first grade you don't get to talk at all. And they don't have a practice box like kindergarten for when you forget you can't talk so you go straight to the principles office. Man oh man, that is going to be hard for me because you know how much I love to talk?!" Yes, indeed.

*Brag alert *Even with all his talking, Spinner learned a lot in kindergarten. In fact he is reading like a champ and was acknowledged at the end of the year with a trophy for being tops in reading among 153 kindergarten students. *Brag over*

Bean charmed all his teachers/therapists until the bitter end as they walked him out to the car showering him with hugs and kisses. He has a great team around him at school and has worked hard for them. He has a few new words, his walking/balance is really improving, and he is seeking more independence. We are so proud of him and will be working hard this summer to build upon what he has learned this year.

Tank is glad to have his brothers home around the clock. Sort of.

2. Medical catch-up. I was on the phone with no less than four medical offices today (to get appts. scheduled), plus the hospital to discuss Bean's MRI tomorrow morning. They called to get the low-down, which they got two weeks ago when we went in for the scan that didn't happen. But no matter, they want to hear it all over again. "It" being Bean's whole story. "So, Bean was premature?" and "how long was he on the vent in NICU?" to "now, his heart surgery. . . " and so it goes. If I had a dollar for every time I had to repeat Beans whole story from delivery at 32 weeks to present we would be doing pretty well! As annoying as it can be sometimes, especially when all three punks are hanging around grabbing at my skirt, I am reminded as I walk through his history, just how far he has come and how fortunate we have been.

So, Tuesday morning we go in for his MRI and hopefully this will give us the definitive answers we have been waiting on for a year now.

3. On the market. There is nothing quite like having your house on the market with three small boys running around. It has posed a new challenge for us, keeping the house somewhat clean so that when we get a call that a potential buyer is coming over we can do a quick pick up and get out. So far our efforts are for naught. No bites or interest.

4. Church life. Wow, church planting is tough stuff. We have a wonderful core group of folks that are dedicated, encouraging, love the Lord and love this City. It is so good to be in this with them. We continue to raise support as we look toward a public launch in the fall and we continue to look for more permanent space but are grateful for the facility we are currently using. More on the plant later. . .


Next time, a post full of pictures for all you family and friends that want to see the troublesome trio in action.