Wil's birth story, part one
10/26/2008
With Timothy recently turning two (and finally starting to form some words!) and Luke turning six I have been thinking a lot about Wil. About where he was when he was two and where he might be when he is six, about the milestone's he has reached, about the milestone's he has yet to reach, about how much harder he works for things, about how quickly he gets past hurt feelings and moves to hugs, about how he seeks me out above anyone else in the house when he is upset. I have also been thinking about what life would be like without Wil. I simply cannot imagine it. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have Wil in my life. In our lives.
Wil is not "typical" and neither was his conception, my pregnancy with him, or his delivery. Humanly speaking Wil almost wasn't in our lives. After months and months of dealing with secondary infertility, undergoing surgery for endometriosis, test after test to determine the nature of my infertility, clomid cycle's, and three months of failed IUI's, James and I decided we were done with treatments. I didn't feel, emotionally or physically, that I could go through with the shots, the ultra-sounds revealing the not so good news that my "eggs were just okay but let's go ahead and inseminate" followed by more blood draws and another big fat negative. Then there was the financial side of things. Our insurance didn't cover infertility treatments and we were spent out. So during the third IUI cycle James and I decided we would stop. We had Luke and were incredibly grateful for him and down the road we would pursue adoption.
We had made our decision, or so I thought. There were a handful of people in our lives who knew we were going through these treatments, knew of the heartbreak we experienced with each failed attempt, knew how badly we wanted to parent another child, and knew we had made the decision to stop the fertility treatments. One of these families came to us and shared their love for James and Luke and me and their desire to see us parent more children. They very generously offered to pay for another treatment cycle and to help us recover from those we were still paying out. It was at this time that I realized I wasn't done. Their offer and encouragement gave me a strength from the Lord that was undeniable. I had to give it one more shot. When the money wasn't an issue I realized that although I felt emotionally and physically drained from the year long process, my heart was not. My heart didn't feel done and my ache for another child was too strong to give up just yet. And so, we went one more round. And, determined to give it everything I could, I got brave with my reproductive endocrinologist and demanded that he prescribe progesterone after insemination (my own research had convinced me that this was my biggest problem but my RE did not agree) and after refusing on all other cycles he finally agreed. I also received acupuncture.
The day that I was due to receive the results of my hcg beta (blood work to determine pregnancy) was the same day James and I were closing on our first home. In the middle of the closing my cell phone rang - it was my RE's nurse so I excused myself from the meeting knowing I was either going to fall apart crying or scream for joy. She had been with us from the beginning so I knew from her voice that this phone call was different when she said, "Stacy?" with a hint of enthusiasm in her voice. She went on to tell me that I was very, very pregnant with a strong, healthy beta that had doubled as it should. I let out a squeal and then I cried, tears of joy.
There is hardly a week that goes by that I don't think about our friends and their generosity and their encouragement and their belief in us as parents. The Lord used them to bring us Wil and I will be forever grateful for that.
Of course, at the time of that positive pregnancy test we did not know that Wil would be Wil. We also did not know the turn my pregnancy would take at 27 weeks.
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-two.html
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-three.html
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-four.html
Wil is not "typical" and neither was his conception, my pregnancy with him, or his delivery. Humanly speaking Wil almost wasn't in our lives. After months and months of dealing with secondary infertility, undergoing surgery for endometriosis, test after test to determine the nature of my infertility, clomid cycle's, and three months of failed IUI's, James and I decided we were done with treatments. I didn't feel, emotionally or physically, that I could go through with the shots, the ultra-sounds revealing the not so good news that my "eggs were just okay but let's go ahead and inseminate" followed by more blood draws and another big fat negative. Then there was the financial side of things. Our insurance didn't cover infertility treatments and we were spent out. So during the third IUI cycle James and I decided we would stop. We had Luke and were incredibly grateful for him and down the road we would pursue adoption.
We had made our decision, or so I thought. There were a handful of people in our lives who knew we were going through these treatments, knew of the heartbreak we experienced with each failed attempt, knew how badly we wanted to parent another child, and knew we had made the decision to stop the fertility treatments. One of these families came to us and shared their love for James and Luke and me and their desire to see us parent more children. They very generously offered to pay for another treatment cycle and to help us recover from those we were still paying out. It was at this time that I realized I wasn't done. Their offer and encouragement gave me a strength from the Lord that was undeniable. I had to give it one more shot. When the money wasn't an issue I realized that although I felt emotionally and physically drained from the year long process, my heart was not. My heart didn't feel done and my ache for another child was too strong to give up just yet. And so, we went one more round. And, determined to give it everything I could, I got brave with my reproductive endocrinologist and demanded that he prescribe progesterone after insemination (my own research had convinced me that this was my biggest problem but my RE did not agree) and after refusing on all other cycles he finally agreed. I also received acupuncture.
The day that I was due to receive the results of my hcg beta (blood work to determine pregnancy) was the same day James and I were closing on our first home. In the middle of the closing my cell phone rang - it was my RE's nurse so I excused myself from the meeting knowing I was either going to fall apart crying or scream for joy. She had been with us from the beginning so I knew from her voice that this phone call was different when she said, "Stacy?" with a hint of enthusiasm in her voice. She went on to tell me that I was very, very pregnant with a strong, healthy beta that had doubled as it should. I let out a squeal and then I cried, tears of joy.
There is hardly a week that goes by that I don't think about our friends and their generosity and their encouragement and their belief in us as parents. The Lord used them to bring us Wil and I will be forever grateful for that.
Of course, at the time of that positive pregnancy test we did not know that Wil would be Wil. We also did not know the turn my pregnancy would take at 27 weeks.
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-two.html
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-three.html
http://waldenhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/wils-birth-story-part-four.html
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2 comments:
I remember the days when Will was born. I can't wait to hear it told from you. :) I remember we hadn't heard from you in a while on the group board and we were worried.
I know what you went through was very difficult - the endless tests, treatments, blood work, perscriptions, ultra sounds - it is so emotionally draining.
You're post is reflective of the struggles of so many women. Thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading the rest of Will's story!
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